amongst books

amongst books

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Ottawa, May 27, 2020 - Covid 19 and Sex


I’m back on Snapchat alas. I shouldn’t but my libido is thru the roof these days. On both Whisper and Snapchat I’ve noticed a lot of guys seem to think it’s ok to hook up now. They say things like “I’m healthy” or “I haven’t left my apartment.” I have no plans to meet these fellows. It’s just for momentary mutual gratification of libidos and imaginations. Fortunately for me, I have both a huge libido and a huge, throbbing imagination 😉

After the pandemic is over, I wonder if my in-person slutty behaviour will return. I haven’t been that way much in the past few years, but now that I can’t, I feel the urge.

In Ottawa and in Ontario, where I live, there is no attempt by public health to address the issue of sex during the pandemic. There’s an assumption that everyone is in a monogamous relationship, and this relationship takes place in the same living space and involves sex in the missionary position and no kink.

The problem with not acknowledging that this isn’t how all relationships are is that those of us who are not in a monogamous or a live-in relationship don’t have guidance. We are erased from the conversation. Single people are also hung out to dry. As are the kinky. Some might say that the recommendation is for everyone to avoid intimacy except with the person they’re living with. I believe not addressing the fact that 17% of adult Canadians live alone, for example, is a bad idea. 

What I’m trying to say, and saying it poorly alas, is that if the needs of a group are not addressed, this gives individuals leeway to play fast and loose with guidelines and it also ensures that ignorance rather than awareness will occur. The guy who assures he’s healthy for example when he begs for a hook up. I’ve told these guys that you can be asymptomatic and still be a Covid-19 carrier, that I am married to an essential worker who takes public transit and goes to an office.

In other places, such as New York City, the health department has come out with specific guidelines about sex and they address the issues very clearly. The safest sex at this time is with yourself. They offer guidelines on safe practices during sex. This also applies to those living in the same household. They even talk about the possibility of getting Covid-19 from rimming (Avoid rimming at this time, friends, sorry!) They suggest to sex workers that they should try to do their work online through video chats and camming. They provide links to resources for those with STIs and those who are pregnant. They are being honest, and informative, not puritanical and obfuscating. This is the way to deal with issues in a healthy way: education and awareness, not avoidance and euphemisms.

This is the big thing I have learned during the pandemic. The belief in the car-owning, house-owning monogamous heterosexual lifestyle as the sole way of life is still in place. By not dealing with practical needs and real circumstances, we are putting people in danger with our puritanism and refusal to recognize that the CoHoMonoHetero culture is not the only way of life, in fact, it may not even be the dominant way of life anymore. If it ever was other than in American sitcoms from the 50s. And just a reminder: one of the most popular sitcoms at that time, the Jackie Gleeson Show featured a loud mouthed oaf who bulled his wife and threatened her with physical violence. There's the ideal. :(


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