Greg
Santos gave us four choices. I chose one I’ve never done before: write
poems based on titles from a book’s table of contents. I chose English Fairy Tales (Golden Pleasure
Books, 1965) and thought: haiku—why not? I haven’t strictly adhered to 5/7/5
syllables when I just couldn’t resist making a line even sillier.
Here, without further ado, are 29 somewhat whacky, occasionally ribald, haiku.
The
Little Fairy Tale Cockerel
Once
upon a time
this
cock with a big ego
dribbled on and on
The
Cat and The Mouse
Once
upon a time
this
laid-back cat saw a mouse
now
they’re good buddies
The
Three Little Pigs
Once
upon a time
straw
house tenant didn’t pay
they
blew his house down
A
Frog He Went A-Wooing Go
Once
upon a time
during
a trip to Paris
this
chick met a frog
The
Enchanted Mountain
Once
upon a time
weed
was decriminalized
everybody
climbed
Little
Johnny Buttermilk
Once
upon a time
his
lactose intolerance
made
this shit seem good
The
White Bullock
Once
upon a time
a
racist ran for president
he’d
better not win
The
Story of Tom Thumb
Once
upon a time
a
cat burglar did some time
yeah,
he was all thumbs
The
Pretty Ragmaid
Once
upon a time
i
was on my period
don’t
call me fucking pretty
Roland
and Helen
Once
upon a time
she
met Roland on Tinder
sent
Paris packing
The
Princess and the Hazelnuts
Once
upon a time
her
damn peanut allergy
drove
her fucking nuts
Molly
Whipple
Once
upon a time
Molly
caused euphoria
not
panic attacks
The
Three Golden Apples
Once
upon a time
The
stock market was bullish
Granny
Smith turned gold
The
Well of the Three Heads
Once
upon a time
a
horny chick made a wish
that’s
a lot of dicks
The
Little Red Man
Once
upon a time
a
ginger with a wee dick
had
an agile tongue
Knight
Wynd and Lady Margaret
Once
upon a time
a
gassy pal of Gawain’s
stalked
Maggie Thatcher upwind
The
Black Bull of Norroway
Once
upon a time
media
moguls
traded
in bull shit
Dick
Whittington and His Cat
Once
upon a time
he
liked autofellatio
now
he licks pussy
Jack
the Giant Killer
Once
upon a time
the
two guys measured their dicks:
a
crime of passion
Goldilocks
and the Three Bears
Once
upon a time
a
fag hag liked hairy guys
was
often their beards
Beauty
and the Beast
Once
upon a time
Walt
Disney made the movie
better
kinds abound
Coat
of Rushes
Once
upon a time
Geddy
Lee had a rock band
he’s
a Canuck, eh
Jack
and the Beanstalk
Once
upon a time
Jackie
went full on vegan
ate
a lot of bean
Joan
in Fairyland
Once
upon a time
after
they set her on fire
Joan
sang I Love Rock N Roll
The
Tailor and His Apprentices
Once
upon a time
they
came up with this lame name
The
Who was taken
Idle
Jack
Once
upon a time
Jill
had to fetch all the water
she
pushed Jack down the hill
The
Abbot of Canterbury
Once
upon a time
Anglican
priests could be queer
God
loves everyone
The
Wise Men of Gotham
Once
upon a time
Batman
and Robin came out
the
rumours were true
The
Tulip Bed
Once
upon a time
spring
followed winter, tulips
didn’t
bake with heat
Thanks
to Greg Santos for the excellent prompts.
Play
along!
For those of you who are just joining us, The Found Poetry Review is celebrating National Poetry Month by offering daily experimental writing prompts from writers. I will be responding to them at poetic whim.
For those of you who are just joining us, The Found Poetry Review is celebrating National Poetry Month by offering daily experimental writing prompts from writers. I will be responding to them at poetic whim.
2 comments:
These are fabulous. What a goo laugh I've had reading them.
thanks, Marilyn. they made me laugh writing them. :)
Post a Comment