amongst books

amongst books

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Impromptu # 27: Once Upon A Haiku

Greg Santos gave us four choices. I chose one I’ve never done before: write poems based on titles from a book’s table of contents. I chose English Fairy Tales (Golden Pleasure Books, 1965) and thought: haiku—why not? I haven’t strictly adhered to 5/7/5 syllables when I just couldn’t resist making a line even sillier.

Here, without further ado, are 29 somewhat whacky, occasionally ribald, haiku. 

The Little Fairy Tale Cockerel

Once upon a time
this cock with a big ego
dribbled on and on

The Cat and The Mouse

Once upon a time
this laid-back cat saw a mouse
now they’re good buddies

The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time
straw house tenant didn’t pay
they blew his house down

A Frog He Went A-Wooing Go

Once upon a time
during a trip to Paris
this chick met a frog

The Enchanted Mountain

Once upon a time
weed was decriminalized
everybody climbed

Little Johnny Buttermilk

Once upon a time
his lactose intolerance
made this shit seem good

The White Bullock

Once upon a time
a racist ran for president
he’d better not win

The Story of Tom Thumb

Once upon a time
a cat burglar did some time
yeah, he was all thumbs

The Pretty Ragmaid

Once upon a time
i was on my period
don’t call me fucking pretty

Roland and Helen

Once upon a time
she met Roland on Tinder
sent Paris packing

The Princess and the Hazelnuts

Once upon a time
her damn peanut allergy
drove her fucking nuts

Molly Whipple

Once upon a time
Molly caused euphoria
not panic attacks

The Three Golden Apples

Once upon a time
The stock market was bullish
Granny Smith turned gold

The Well of the Three Heads

Once upon a time
a horny chick made a wish
that’s a lot of dicks

The Little Red Man

Once upon a time
a ginger with a wee dick
had an agile tongue

Knight Wynd and Lady Margaret

Once upon a time
a gassy pal of Gawain’s
stalked Maggie Thatcher upwind

The Black Bull of Norroway

Once upon a time
media moguls
traded in bull shit

Dick Whittington and His Cat

Once upon a time
he liked autofellatio
now he licks pussy

Jack the Giant Killer

Once upon a time
the two guys measured their dicks:
a crime of passion

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Once upon a time
a fag hag liked hairy guys
was often their beards

Beauty and the Beast

Once upon a time
Walt Disney made the movie
better kinds abound

Coat of Rushes

Once upon a time
Geddy Lee had a rock band
he’s a Canuck, eh

Jack and the Beanstalk

Once upon a time
Jackie went full on vegan
ate a lot of bean

Joan in Fairyland

Once upon a time
after they set her on fire
Joan sang I Love Rock N Roll

The Tailor and His Apprentices
Once upon a time
they came up with this lame name
The Who was taken

Idle Jack

Once upon a time
Jill had to fetch all the water
she pushed Jack down the hill

The Abbot of Canterbury

Once upon a time
Anglican priests could be queer
God loves everyone

The Wise Men of Gotham

Once upon a time
Batman and Robin came out
the rumours were true

The Tulip Bed

Once upon a time
spring followed winter, tulips
didn’t bake with heat

Thanks to Greg Santos for the excellent prompts.

Play along!

For those of you who are just joining us, 
The Found Poetry Review is celebrating National Poetry Month by offering daily experimental writing prompts from writers. I will be responding to them at poetic whim.


Misky said...

These are fabulous. What a goo laugh I've had reading them.

Amanda Earl said...

thanks, Marilyn. they made me laugh writing them. :)